Fast forward seven hours later, and were walking into an awesome 55th surprise party including 40 family and friends that Id been planning for him for three months! There are all kinds of repercussions for these things, and none of them are really good. Just know you cannot change him. But he had already ended the A. I dont know if my D him had any impact b/c he could have taken that opportunity to leave me to be with the OW (or anyone else for that matter) but he chose to stay. When this all started happening, I was SERIOUSLY concerned he was doing drugs. I should just be honest with him and tell him I dont know what to do and where we stand, but im so sick of bringing things up and watching his face just fall in annoyance (sometimes). But God forbid he ever try to prove me wrong. She would just stare at them and never say a word. I know it does. But I get so upset bc I know if he is still speaking with her, he should in NO WAY be living in our home. Needing him to do all these things to live up to what I want, and he feels controlled. Thank you both for your comments of support. Is sick of me accusing him, said I made him leave the house and hes out and he doesnt care anymore, etc etc. Im serious on that sorry to say. It blows my MIND. Some people may end up leaving their spouse for the affair partner. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING you do will push him away. I acted pretty blah to him today. BUt how the hell do you SHOW that youre moving on in life when you have a 5 month old baby that you are trying to get on a schedule and you have to be home pretty often and he sees & knows that.I feel like in this ENTIRE situation I have not been given a shot. My CH never said that wanted to leave our marriage, just have fun with somebody else. Sometimes the only thing people understand is a financial impact. Now your H may use any of this as an excuse. Ive posted an update on another thread as now my husband has said he wants to marry her in the future and have kids with her so I need to divorce him. He got upset and said that is what he wants but he doesnt want it on someone elses terms. And I believe it is because he is lying still. The fog is the hardest thing to forgive and to get over. I had an excellent therapist but I was sure he was leaving and I had no $ and children. But And he doesnt feel like he needs to change. Im hoping that today and yesterday feel SO awful bc he is out of town and its just making me crazy, I am hoping once he is back in town I will not feel this horrible. He buys me gifts as usual. You get a % of his pay for alimony and child support. I did not want our kids to know and I was summer and they were not in school. Nothing changed. From his actions the last few months it appears as though you were headed to this point anyway. Sad to say your H has a support group who believe him. So I demanded the post nup. I mean its not like we ever hug or anything like that, but we chat, we get the baby ready for bed, we sleep in the same bed. Recharge yourself. Whether that means through college or after, he cannot just walk away without living up to his responsibility as a father. Obviously, we know begging and pleading didnt work. Everyday I wake up knowing I have a full day ahead of feeling pretty crappy for the most part. He told me he didnt want that, and that he wanted to stay with me and our daughter. But if I say that he says WE DONT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE TOGETHER! I played along b/c I had no $ to my name. Like I said in my first post, we decided Sunday he would move out. Hanging out in bars. So I dont know where that puts anything, but i just cant focus on what hes doing like this. If All of your responses and advice on this page seem to be so great, and I am going through a similar situation I could really use some advice on. And I feel like my value just decreases for him everyday we continue living together in a way. You will get worn down and be emotionally empty. I really no longer cared. We are still together b/c he realized at the last possible second I was leaving him. Midlife crisis and depression have some common symptoms, including difficulty concentrating, insomnia, irritability, and reckless behavior. My husband had an EA with a work partner. At some point if this is too painful and nothing changes you may want to decide to separate. Even if he is talking to her. midlife Friday Facts And Features Midlife It One who can guide you through this storm. Yeah, whatever we do is seems very wrong. You need to get strong in your marriage by having self confidence and the willingness to change. And when I was, I didnt take it. Cannot last. Even if he isnt speaking to the OW, his head is still fogged FOR SURE with what he wants for his life. Its hard bc we have such a young baby, I have a large family, things are always going on, and its like we just go right back into a routine and hes thinking gosh, this isnt what I wanted to get back into, and I do get that. EMotional enough to where I would have to go into the bathroom so no one would see me cry. Had he pulled this crap before the baby I probably would have told him to kick rocks, get his shit together, and get back to me when he woke the hell up and realized what a mistake he was making. But at this juncture you dont have much of a choice. Its so weird. He took advantage one time too many. This short guide tells you what you need to know to survive the affair, heal yourself and emerge on the other side a stronger person. It always seems to start as friendship and its like if they bite, (to any kind of online sex chat thing or whatever) he would bite back. Dishonest. Unfortunately I was. My only regret is believing him when he said it was over and that he wanted to be with me. His behavior is unacceptable!!! And you are doing everything possible to give him a chance. His emotional state was that rocky. Not you & him. K. The other thing that I said to my H during his A and A fog and false reconciliation and the times he said he wanted a D was this. K. Seriously I am married to his twin lol. Midlife Crisis: Signs, Stages, Timeline, & More - Healthline It can make your head spin. Just like an alcoholic will do whatever is necessary to get alcohol, the same is true for a cheater. Do the 180 the best you can for yourself. I found out (6 months pregnant) that he was having an affair. My question is this, Someone that is continually making the same poor decisions, will they come out of the FOG?? Of course he could be lying to me. She has told me last Monday that she has stopped contacting him so this might be a positive. But im SO sick of just trying to be so happy and so upbeat all the time around him. Those days are gone. Even if we did reconcile and moved forward, how would I EVER get past what hes done and all the texts ive read and the things theyve said to one another. GOSHHHHH. Its going to take time. If thats what he wants then he should go have it, bc I know im better than all of it. He said he loved her, but I didnt see hesitation in him leaving the OW. Its indifference. Why would he say it now when things were so good between us? The more you detach and live for you and your baby the better things will be for you. Tabs like you my OH dropped the OW immediately I confronted himafter an 8 year friendship. I became my mother. We had just gone to a workshop for troubled marriages thru our church at the beginning of December and celebrated our 25th anniversary in October. It may not be in every case. Until DDay2 and I found his A continued. Im afraid that living together like we are is going to make this worse, its going to give him a bad taste in his mouth of what its like to live together and when he does leave he will only feel relief instead of sad like he did when i asked him to leave a few weeks ago. Remember the A (or whatever he is doing) is like his drug of choice. I thought he was on drugs at DDay 2. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Hes trying to punish me because I made him leave, but in the long run hes also punishing them. WebMidlife Crisis: When The Fog Lifts, What Happens Next If your partner is going through a midlife crisis, youre probably anxious for signs that theyre coming out of midlife crisis Honestly, I tried to even make it a better life than what we had. It is absolutely limbo and it is HELL. And now im of course TERRIFIED he is going to run off to OW. we have been together for 7 yrs and got engaged at xmas. I have no clue. Your baby needs one functioning happy parent who is going to put the childs needs first at all times. Sometimes I feel like he just wants a way out, to escape. If you no longer want him to hang out in bars w/out you present, then you need to clearly state that during MC or in your talks to him. He told me the standard line love you but not in love with you and all that crap that goes along with it. So even though I had given him the ability to leave many times he declined. But the thing to take into consideration is that after D-day we go into a type of fog ourselves. But for some reason he would change his mind and then regret would appear and two weeks later he wanted a D (yet again). The old line love you but not in love with you. Not sure why. You can also subscribe without commenting. You have told him how you felt and what you expect. I dont talk to him, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me as Im trying to deal with surviving this entire ordeal and Ill send him a how horrible can you be text message. WebIt was devastating news to say the least. I want him to fight for us. I think we can always do better. Fast forward to February 24, 2018 when he told me I love you but Im not in love with you. I wish we could just have fun, We were for a while there after the separation and now it really just feels so blah. He said no matter how hurt or upset he is, he shouldnt say rude mean things to me that arent true. SERIOUSLY?! It seems that most betrayed spouses are desperately trying to figure out the affair fog and what the hell is going on in the minds of their spouses. And when I do that I can always tell he gets a little curious. I have no idea. and I think he knows that. I know I was feeling that way, even though when were together its nice, the minute he would leave I just felt crazy. One night he told me that if we divorced that I was still hot (in my 50s) and tons of guys would want to date me. Your Plan B may need to be instituted by you. All of my actions have done nothing to move her away from the AP. I was completely wrong on that. I think the issues stem the fact that he thought that because we were in contact we were still in a relationship. You can only save your M and live happily ever after if one of two things happens; 1. Mine also admitted to me that he was having an EA, and cried and told me he was scared. I know down the road he would regret it. In particular, shes committed to helping decrease stigma arou And when I do go home and he is there, he is so short with me as if I annoy him or have done something wrong. The most hurtful words I ever said. If you decide to try and R at some point, you need to come to an understanding between both of you as to what your M will be and look like. In my case, I am the CS. I dont know. I had to put my kids first and coukd not just give up and roll into a ball. Turns out that was all a ploy to get me off the scent. Im in the early stages of affair fog- my H started to act weird start of November, secret calls and text, late nights usual stuff I got our phone bill saw a number didnt know and searched on Facebook the girl he claimed to be just friends with, I approached him he denied I kicked him out he had no where to go he went and moved in with her only known her over a month living together he has admitted the affair.. EVERYTHING seems fine until I start to think about the OW and the fact that he may still be talking to her and disrespecting me to my face. I very rarely said no to him to being out with his friends without me. He has initiated sex a few times and slept in bed a few times, but the majority of time on the couch. You tell him that you have noticed that he is not willing to be a family. Ive been working in the office for a new site launch at work and it feels good to be with people, but everyday around 1-2pm I would get VERY emotional. Love you but not in love and all the crap the cheater tells you. These are the things I did with my H. The Red Flags were he refused counseling. My biggest fear is that what im doing is somehow wrong and will come back to bite me for being so nice and giving him so much freedom. WebSo, if you're looking for answers and support during this time, you won't want to miss this episode. I outed his whores on their Facebook pages I had nothing to hide or lie about funny they shut down their pages as if that changed what they did or how nasty they were to me . And I wonder if he will be with her if we permanently split, even though when I bring her up he says things about her as if he doesnt care about her, but I think back to the texts I read between them in January and I just want to melt away. He eventually woke the fuck up and she went on to marry the looser she stole from another woman. I know where you are right now. You never had an opportunity to think, Gosh. Plan B. Dont hit rock bottom b/c someone in your life has decided THEY are confused and dont know what they want. You tell him you know he is lying and that you are expecting this conversation to be honest and truthful. That it is disrespectful to agree to something and turn around and do the opposite. The damage has been done.